Anyone informed that the universe is expanding and contracting in pulsations of eighty billion years has a right to ask, “What’s in it for me?”

Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff — it is a palliative rather than a remedy.

Everybody hates me because I’m so universally liked.

Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.

I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments. Of course they graduate the best — it’s all they’ll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country. They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money — provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don’t need it.

I love being a writer, what I can’t stand is the paperwork.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds — they mature slowly.

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

The rich aren’t like us; they pay less taxes.